CAN LEARN ALL AGES
Technology is developing day by day. Now, people of all ages can acces in the internet easily.Although teknoloji and internet very useful a object, but same peolple use it for bad things. Many people argue this view, everbody shouldn't have acces to internet I think it is not true, everbady can use a thing such as the internet.
First, today we can everthing with computer. For example, we may no longer own our home office and we don't have to go to work. Because we can do everything with computer. Thereby, we can spend much more time wiht our family, childeren and friens.
Secandly, we can obtain what we are looking in a short time. It is very important for people, because time is money so. Past, people went to library and they looked hours a thing.However now life is more easier with computer.Time is always important for everyone, no matter of ages,
Some people believes childeren and teenagers shouldn't use internet. If they start use computer and internet iwhen they were little, they will be dependent. They may be right some expoint but i don't agree with this idea. Because they should use internet when they were child. Then it can be difficult to keep pace with advancing technology.
In summary, techonology is very useful for peole of all ages.
Baby, your essay is good but Is it too short like my essay? Also you can support a lot of examples your paragraphes. Moreover, you did some wrong spelling such as teknoloji,childeren, friens. I believe these were your carelessness. :)
YanıtlaSilI think your thesis and concluding pragraph different, you explain computer useful in thesis however you explain technology is useful in concluding paragraph also you make mistake in spelling.But, your unit good
YanıtlaSilbüşra, it is nice to see that you have written an essay. the topic you have chosen is an up to date topic.
YanıtlaSilsorry but is your topic "using internet" or "technology" or "
your thesis sentence could be better.
"although many people claim that everybody shouldn't have acces to internet, I think everbady should use internet for some reasons.
you can also add your predictors in your thesis with "such as", "which are" or "in terms of".
Don't use although and but in the same sentence.
Although tecnology and internet are very useful, some peolple use it for bad things.
moreover, your topic sentences are not very clear. they are too general, you should narrow them down.
your body paragraphs are not very rich, you should support your paragraphs with examples, statistics or quotations.
I like your 3rd paragraph. you gave the opposite idea very well. and your refutation is also good but as I said you can write more in that paragraph too.
as your friends said, your conclusion is not very suitable, and it is very short.you should write a general statements firstly that looks like your thesis. and then it is a good idea to talk about your topics in your body paragraphs.
finally, you should pay attention to your grammar and spelling.
and also you can choose a better title for your essay. more interesting one..
YanıtlaSil